So, I suppose you've come here for a story? That's fine, I can weave you a tale. Now, this won't be the most impressive of yarns; no piece of great adventure or tragic romance. No, I'm afraid this is a simple story, one about somewhat ordinary, if not slightly askewed individuals. The plot? Just a day in life, if you will. And what shall we call our brave characters, our plucky duo? How about Will and Cammy...
Three dollars and ten cents. This the sum total amount of the accumulated wealth between the two of them at that given moment. All pockets had been thoroughly rummaged through, all couch cushions properly tossed, all drawers expertly pillaged about. Three dollars and ten cents. Now, while that might seem a pittance to you and I, to two young stoners only a hallway down from an apartment complex vending machine, it was the fortune of a kingdom. The stash securely hidden in an old Transformers lunchbox with the bowl and stuffed under the bed, our intrepid couple set out to claim their feast.
"Chocolate. I need chocolate if I'm going to survive," said Cammy.
"Do you hear that?" asked Will. "Do you hear the BBQ chips calling me? They're saying, 'Will, eat me! EAT ME NOW'!"
"Ummm, I'll eat you later if you're lucky," said Cammy.
Will smiled. "Such sweet talkin' makes me wanna..."
"Shhhh!" quieted Cammy with a finger to her lips.
They both heard a bang and some movement inside Dave's apartment. Neighbor Dave, weirdo Dave, drunk Dave; these all basically applied. Will and Cammy snuck passed his door as quietly as possible and further down the hall.
"Crisis, adverted," said Will when they reached the apartment complex lobby doors.
Cammy rolled her eyes and followed her boyfriend into the lobby. It was a small, somewhat dilapidated room, not surprising given the general state of the complex. Two soda machines and a snack machine sat off to the right, stairs to the basement laundry room to the left.
Plopping change into the vending machine, both Will and Cammy started giggling. The copious amounts of pot they had consumed wavered in the heads, making everything joyous. Will hit the correct set of buttons to retrieve his glorious bag of chips. The arrived at the bottom of the machine with a resounding *THUNK*
"That was the machine talking to us," Will said.
"I completely believe you," responded Cammy.
More money, and now a Clark Bar fell to its death. *THUNK*
"See how happy the machine is to give us food?"
Cammy nodded.
More money, more junk food. *THUNK - THUNK*
"Baby, is there enough left to get me some of those wintergreen Lifesavers?" cooed Cammy.
Will clicked his tongue, but said nothing. Cammy was addicted to all things small and minty. She wouldn't even smoke a cigarette without one. Money equaled a *THUNK* and Will reached down to grab the mints.
"Here are your Lifesavers!" said Will in a robotic, very vending machine-like voice.
"... BITCH!" added Cammy.
Will turned slowly to his girlfriend. "Now why's it gotta be like that? Why would the machine call you a bitch?"
Cammy blinked. "Because I'm in a perpetual war with all things?"
"But... with a fucking vending machine?"
"Oh, it hates me, too."
"Such negativity, such hostility! Honestly, it makes me kinda hot," replied Will.
"I know, baby."
Sauntering back down the hallway, Will continued to sing in his robotic, vending machine voice. It was much along the lines of 'Here Are Your Lifesavers' over and over again. Very quickly he added robot dancing as well.
"Take your Lifesavers... BITCH!" screamed Cammy with glee from right behind him.
"Jesus! Now it's TAKE your Lifesavers? The vending machine WANTS you to have food, that's its only joy in life. Why do you..."
**BANG - CRASH**
Will and Cammy exchanged furtive looks. That had come from Dave's apartment. They were standing right in front of his door.
Escape time.
Back inside Will's efficiency apartment, the couple looked at each other again. They heard no more sounds coming from next door, no more bashing about. Perhaps, if they were lucky, Dave hadn't heard them in the hall.
Then, of course, came the familiar knock on the door.
Sighing, Will went to answer it. Dave stood there, staring up at the doorframe, his hand out in front of him. Will looked up, following Dave's eyes but saw nothing. Dave was a strange one, a few years older than Will's twenty-six years, but had already been in prison for Grand Theft Auto when he was twenty.
"Uh, hey Dave," said Will.
"Dude, are you at all mechanically inclined?" asked Dave, still staring at the doorframe.
"Ummm, kinda. What's the problem?"
Dave held out his hand. Into Will's he deposited a small black washer, a clear plastic tube, and a long metal bolt. Dave then nodded.
"Right," said Will, drawing out the word. "What are these to, Dave?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what are you going to do with them?"
"I don't know."
"Dave, I can't help you much here."
Dave sighed liked his mother had just been given a diagnosis of terminal cancer.
"You should probably come over and look at it," said Dave.
Will leaned back into his apartment and raised an eyebrow at Cammy. Popping one of her well fought Lifesavers into her mouth and lighting a cigarette, she climbed off the couch. She had actually gone to high school with Dave almost ten years ago, so she sometimes felt like she could handle him better than Will.
"C'mon Dave, let's go check this out," said Cammy.
The three walked out into the hallway and took the few steps needed to Dave's door. He opened the door and walked in, allowing the other two to follow. Will and Cammy walked in, her mouth dropping and Will swearing with a smile.
A pond. Dave had built a small, but what looked to be a fully functional pond in the center of his own efficiency apartment.
"Dave..." started Cammy.
"Yeah, I've always wanted a pond."
"I see. Yes, that is definitely a pond," responded Will.
"Yeah..."
"Oh look, Cammy. There's even a section with a waterfall."
Dave obviously didn't notice the tone in which Will had made that last statement because suddenly he blurted out, "That's why you're here!"
"Because of the waterfall?"
"Yeah, it won't, um.... fall."
Will closed his eyes and quickly, silently cursed as many possible things as he could.
A relatively short amount of time later, the waterfall had come into glistening life. Will stood back to examine to pond more closely. It was much like the shell of a plastic kiddie pool, but more sturdy. It had levels and sections to insert plants and even a little place to hook a feeder unit up to. Will didn't want to think about how much this had cost his neighbor.
"... and plants and fish. Maybe a turtle. A turtle!" Dave was now rambling as he took another swig from his half filled bottle of Southern Comfort.
Just then, Will's cell phone rang. It was his guy who provided the couple with their ridiculous amount of weed on regular intervals. Seemed he had a new crop that he wanted Will to try out.
"Listen Dave, we gotta bounce. You gonna be okay?"
"Who was that, Baby?" asked Cammy.
"That was Hawkins. He wants me to..."
"Oohhh, does he still have the rabbits?"
"Rabbits? Bunnies? I would love a bunny! What does he do with the bunnies?" asked Dave.
Grinning, Will said, "Oh, he kills them and eats them."
Dave turned very white.
"Dude..." tried Will.
"That's not very cool. He shouldn't do that," said Dave in a quiet voice.
"Dave, Will was joking," said Cammy. "They're Hawkin's pets... he's had them for years."
"Oh."
"Yeah, we gotta go," said Will, pulling Cammy out of the door. "Don't fall in your pond, Dave."
*** SO YES, these things all really happened. But do YOU know what happened the next day? You DO, don't you...
There, of course, came a familiar knock on the door.
"Uh, hey Dave," said Will.
"Dude, I fell in the pond..."
rating: 3
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