-I woke up this morning and the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach is a grim reminder of the atrocities that I have committed as of late. Even this early in the day I can feel my mouth start to water as my instinct is taking me. The desire has been so strong this last week that I'm finding it more and more difficult to fight. I hate myself and what I have become. On the outside I think I would be considered normal. But there's no denying the utterly evil beast that resides within me when the taste and hunger takes over.
Savory copper coating my tongue like warm pudding with every delicious and murderous bite. My bottle of diet pills burns a hole in my pocket urging me to down a mouthful and fight the good fight. This morning is like most and I will swallow 5 or 6 and temporarily stop the rumbling in my belly, but I dread the coming night?
June 14th, 2009
-I never would have thought trying a new food would have brought me to this. When she wanted to go to China last spring for a trip I didn't refuse, looking back I should have. Its raining this morning and last nights venture is still on my mind. I wish the rain could wash away sins like holy water. God she couldn't have been more than 20. A small blessing today, my hunger seems to be subdued, in my frenzy I must have eaten more than my fill. I fear that my lust for the taste is taking a deeper hold on me. As I write I can feel a dull cramp slowly building at the pit of my gut, hopefully my pills will get me through another day of work?
June 19th, 2009
-I am running out of excuses to give my wife as where I go most evenings. My excursions have gotten a bit dragged out as of late and it's taking me longer than usual to satisfy my need. Last night the clock was ticking and I had to resort to a homeless man passed out drunk on a bench down by the river. Dirtier than I would have liked, but the alcohol in his blood gave rise to a wonderful rush afterwards, I may have to start going to bars more often!!! She knows how long it takes to get to the market, and I fear the unexplained loss of time is a lingering question on her mind.
**Side note: Ran out of pills?Think about cold storage for future consumption?
July 1st, 2009
-Almost didn't make it through work today without incident. During lunch the hunger was so fierce that I went to a deli across the street and bought raw hamburger. I sat in my car and fed on the cold meat until the pain in my stomach subsided. Physical pain was dulled but I fear my lust for the real thing will never be satiated by this dead flesh. Its funny, there used to be a lingering sense of guilt at the nature of my eating, but it seems the more I fill my belly the less wrong it feels. I fear that what I am becoming people only write about in horror stories?
July7th, 2009
-She found a bloody shirt in the laundry today. The screaming was almost unbearable combined with my stomach pain. The shirt still smelled of booze and whatever shampoo the bar fly had been using the past few days. I remember the acrid taste of her hair in my mouth as I gorged without any thought to consequence or guilt. Perhaps this is the nature of the beast that has taken over me. I know that my "bloody nose" excuse will not be enough to satisfy her and the threat of her returning home this evening is weighing heavy on my mind. For the first time in my life she disgusts me.
They all disgust me.
I'm tired of guilt, tired of fighting off the pain.
I'm hungry, and my wife just pulled in the driveway?
rating: 8
Users that liked this also liked...
 No Excuses, pH! (Volume 2: The best way to condition an unconditioned body) |  What's broken? |  Koran 9:11- Are We Really This Retarded? |  Tipp: The Only True Story I'll Ever Tell |  I love the smell of religious discourse in the morning |